Transitioning to Secondary School (Our story)

This is a massive deal for any child and parents. Now add ASD, anxiety and depression into the mix whilst trying to fit into a neurotypical world. That is a whole different kettle of fish!

This is our story...

Any type of transition has always and is hard for Big Monkey. Even going from the house to the car has it's challenges. This causes Big Monkey great anxiety and then her behaviour is that she will divert it towards her loved ones. This is why when we got to Year 6 I wanted to make sure that transition to secondary school was at the top of our agenda in all of our meetings with the class teacher, SENCO and other parties within and outside the school setting.

First day of Year 6

Big Monkey entered Year 6 in September 2022. She got dressed on her first day of Year 6, looked at me and said “I’m sad, this is my last year at Primary school.” The realisation had hit her that she will be moving on and her comfort blanket of Primary school; the rules, routines and same teachers will not be there anymore. Big Monkey's first day was the beginning of the end of her days at Primary school. I remember leaving her at the gate with the same feeling I had when she went to Reception for the first time. When Big Monkey got home that night, I remember saying to myself don't ask her how her day was, she will tell me when she is ready. It was bedtime and she looked at me and said "mummy it's really hard." Her facial expression said it all and from then I knew this was going to be a tricky year.

Home to school and school to home

Throughout the first term of Year 6 we were having difficulties coming to school and transitions were progressively getting worse.

I remember the SENCO trying to get her into school and she just wouldn't go. She would be shouting, pacing and trying to run off. Big Monkey would try and pull the car over, say abusive words to her sister, dad or me. If there were crowds she would stand in a driveway and wait for the people to pass. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone on the school run. Getting her dressed of a morning would consist of me doing it (if she would let me). Even simple language and going back to first and next didn’t work. Sometimes we even had a soft start into school where I would take her to the office and a teacher would get her and she would go to the sensory circuit or sit in a quiet place before entering the classroom. We even tried the reset where we would go to school at the normal time, but it was too much so we used to go home for 15 minutes, ring the school when driving back and an adult would be waiting to help transition her in. You could just see that the anxiety was just too much for Big Monkey and she became so overwhelmed.

This was similar at pick up, where we would wait and she used to grab my arm and march me and Little Monkey out of school. If she saw people that were unkind to her, 9/10 she would hide in a bush until they left. Whilst going to the car I would get shouted at, Little Monkey would have been pushed or we would have to wait for ages in a driveway until all the crowds of people have gone. Sometimes this took about 10 to 15 minutes. I just remember thinking to myself "bring the calm to the storm, in a few minutes it will all be okay." When we got home because Big Monkey was masking all day, most of the time we got the explosion of emotions and we just "rode the storm." Once she was calm sometimes we were able to talk about it and sometimes we couldn't.

School Support

Big Monkey's class teacher was amazing and he showed so much compassion. He listened to her and tried to make her feel safe at school, so she would be successful and happy in the school environment. Big Monkey really trusted him. He worked in cohesion with us to help Big Monkey achieve with small steps.

Other members of the school including the SENCO didn't really understand Rosie and I do believe if it wasn't for me carrying on chasing and holding the school accountable for things, she would not have got the support she needed.

"That parent"

I was known as "that parent." What is "that parent?" It is a parent that holds the school accountable for your child's welfare and needs. It took every ounce of my body and days and days of telephone calls and paper work to get what I needed. I used to get very frustrated with the school for them saying they were going to do something and they didn't. I had to seek advice myself and I had to self refer for ADHD and Early Help.

Masking

Every meeting in Year 6 I kept saying to the SENCO she is masking at school. Her behaviour at home is getting progressively worse. You need to help me I am not sure what to do. School kept saying I don't understand she really enjoys school, she is quiet in class, listens, sometimes needs help with the lesson, goes to the playground, plays with children and wants her own space. I kept saying this is great she is "fitting in," however I am getting the brunt of it at home. It wasn't taken seriously and it wasn't until the middle of the year that within a meeting I read out one of her behaviours and the room was quiet and that is when they started to listen. Unfortunately though the head teacher was unable to understand what masking was as she told me she is so happy and good in school that she must be masking at home. I actually couldn't believe what I was hearing and told her she obviously needs to understand autism and masking before speaking to me about my child. From then I completely disregarded her as she did not understand the needs of Big Monkey.

Year 6 challenges

In general Big Monkey found Year 6 really difficult. These are the things she found challenging:

- morning transitions

- transitions from place to place

- toileting

- getting changed

- understanding and reading people

- understanding other peoples needs

- mental bullying

- sitting next to someone

- concentrating

- independence

- exams

- any changes

Transition Support

In the summer term, Big Monkey had some support from an autistic team from her new school, to help with transition into her secondary. She was very quiet to begin with and then started to come out of her shell. Big Monkey went to visit the school with her peers and also on her own when it was much quieter. One evening, with Big Monkey daddy and I also went with her and we walked around with the SENCO and they could touch and look at various things. It also meant that my husband and I could voice what we were concerned about as well.

I could tell after as visiting together, Big Monkey was getting overwhelmed and panicking that she was leaving her old teacher, her "trusted adult." This concerned me and I spoke to the SENCO of her new school to explained about the "trusted adults." When Big Monkey went to visit her new school, she was introduced to the SEN team and bonded with them meaning that they are her trusted adults. When I went to pick her up on her first transition day, I met one of them and she already knew Big Monkey which set my mind at ease.

During the summer holidays, Big Monkey went on a transition course to secondary school with the borough where she met lots of different children going to different schools. Here they spoke about how to deal with certain situations, what will happen and how to make friends. This gave Big Monkey lots of confidence and she really enjoyed the three day programme. We also drove past her secondary school quite a bit and discussed what date and times she will be going. She kept telling me she was nervous but excited.

First Day At Secondary School

Big Monkey and I drove part of the way to school, parked up and walked the rest. She was very nervous and held my hand for a bit and then when we got nearer to the gates, she asked me to stand by the tree and she walked in. She did it!!!

September 2023

Yes, we have had some bumps along the way with peers, transitions between classes, school uniform, noise, day to day activity and growing in independence. The difference is, there is a really good support network at her school and they work in cohesion with my husband and I. They have taken time to bond with Big Monkey and she knows her "trusted adults" and her "safe spaces." I am under no illusion that there will be bumps in the road, but for now it is fine.

The main thing is she is happy and feels safe. As we know a child that feels safe and content is a child that will learn.